Why I didn't publish this a year ago is beyond me. I've done really well in the past year. Lost 50 pounds and didn't gain a ton while dealing with my dad's illness and subsequent death. I guess I could say that I've come a long way, but there's still a long way to go. . . (9/19/2012)
I have been going to weight watchers off and on since January of 1988. I started then with a couple of friends from work. I was at my highest weight of 288 pounds that first weigh in. Over 9 months, I lost 130 pounds. I know, it's not good to lose that fast, but that wasn't common knowledge then. Closing in on my "goal" weight, I got pregnant with my first daughter. 2 years after she was born, I was back to pre-pregnancy weight. Got pregnant again, miscarried, and then had a successful pregnancy and my second daughter was born. I can "blame" the weight on pregnancy, but my "baby" just graduated from high school.
Along the way, I've lost huge amounts of poundage. Then "something" would happen, and I'd go off program and gain it all back. Okay, I have not gone back to my biggest, the 288 I weighed at my very first WW weigh in, because I've managed to get back on track before I did, but still.
So, anyway, I restarted again last fall, and had managed to lose about 20 pounds when this spring hit. This spring has been one of the more stressful couple month of my life. The oldest daughter graduated from college, and was lucky enough to have a job waiting for her when she graduated. Great, but we had to move her from her college apartment, home, and then to her new apartment in the city where she was going to work. She has so much stuff, that it took several trips to bring her stuff home, then we rented a cargo van to move her to the new place. Whew.
After daughter #1 was moved in, daughter #2 had her events start. She graduated from high school, so there was senior prom, the drama club senior banquet, and graduation itself, which entailed a massive cleaning of the house, since the grandparents were coming. Then there was a couple birthdays and college orientation for #2. I think everything is done, for the time being.
So that leads me to tonight. I went "back" to Weight Watchers, and weighed in for the first time since May. I had gained 15 pounds. I know, it was stress eating, and the "see-food" diet. And I'm getting to the age, where I don't like the up and down, clothes fitting or not, and generally feeling miserable. So, I'm doing what "everyone else" is doing, and starting a blog about my journey this time. I'd really like to stop the yo-yo at the scale, and have one set of clothing that fits me, all the time. I'm not sure what I'm going to write, but this is more cathartic for me and if anyone else wants to read it, great, maybe I can help.
Tonight is the last night before I get really conscious of what I'm putting in my mouth. I should be planning menus and getting a grocery list together. Since WW changed last December, most fruits and veggies have zero point (plus). I need to get the food I can eat in the house and go from there.
I might post my menus or if I find a good recipe. I don't know how I'm going to do this, but it's like a journal, only anyone who finds it can read it. Maybe this way, I won't quit when "life happens".
Oh yeah, starting (over) weight is 250. I get 34 points a day. Maybe next week, I'll do the measurements. This is a bit scary, but also by writing it down, here, I can be honest with myself and quit playing stupid head games.
Away we go. . . .
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Harry Potter
So, we went to see Harry Potter 7.2 at the drive in last night. It was interesting to watch a dark movie on the screen and try to make out what was happening at times. Otherwise, I think it was a good ending to the series, although, JK did leave it open to write about Harry and gang's children. And as tempting as it was, I "only" had a small popcorn. The first few weeks of a restart seem to be the easiest. I don't want the junk food. I want to stay on program and don't have to fight myself about wanted "something". I will cook dinners, which is a big part of my staying on program. When we go out to dinner, I have a hard time staying focused and/or wanting to order something that will aid my weight loss journey, as opposed to sabotaging my efforts. This week, fruit has been my "savior", as far as the go to food when I "want" something. Fruit now has 0 points, so it's very helpful to have a lot of it on hand.
This process is a rediscovery of what I am, and how I want to live. I'm feeling a bit more energetic, although, the heat of the last couple of days is really zapping what energy I'm finding from eating right. My knees still hurt, a lot, but I know after 10+ pounds lost, they also will start to feel better. I'm trying to get to the gym every other day. Making a goal of going every day is a bit unrealistic, and likely to cause me to give up (again). Giving up really isn't an option, because eating "correctly" helps to keep various health issues at bay. It's just that sometimes, I really just want to throw in the towel. I'm not at that point right now, but I know it's lurking around the corner.
I am meeting my friend at the gym this morning, so at least I will get some exercise in today. It's supposed to get up to 95+ with a wicked heat index. I do enjoy summer, but this heat is something that I do not enjoy at all.
This process is a rediscovery of what I am, and how I want to live. I'm feeling a bit more energetic, although, the heat of the last couple of days is really zapping what energy I'm finding from eating right. My knees still hurt, a lot, but I know after 10+ pounds lost, they also will start to feel better. I'm trying to get to the gym every other day. Making a goal of going every day is a bit unrealistic, and likely to cause me to give up (again). Giving up really isn't an option, because eating "correctly" helps to keep various health issues at bay. It's just that sometimes, I really just want to throw in the towel. I'm not at that point right now, but I know it's lurking around the corner.
I am meeting my friend at the gym this morning, so at least I will get some exercise in today. It's supposed to get up to 95+ with a wicked heat index. I do enjoy summer, but this heat is something that I do not enjoy at all.
Update
Dad passed away on Friday, September 14. He was at the Hospice center for just under 3 weeks. In a way, it was a relief, but it was still hard. Now, life can continue. Grieving can commence and get dealt with and things can return to normal, whatever that is.
Hubby was home from Austin, before I got that phone call. That was a good thing. And all the stress from the last 6 weeks or so contributed to a 2 pound gain last week. So, I'm dead even with where I was before Dad came home from the rehab/nursing center, but before the sh*t really hit the fan. Had I not made several "habit changes", I could have easily gained 10 or more pounds over the course of his illness. I'm glad that I broke even, and don't have to deal with a lot of extra poundage on top of every thing else that is going on.
So, life returns to somewhat of a normal routine this week. I'm cooking and planning again. We will get through this, but right now, it still hurts like crazy.
Hubby was home from Austin, before I got that phone call. That was a good thing. And all the stress from the last 6 weeks or so contributed to a 2 pound gain last week. So, I'm dead even with where I was before Dad came home from the rehab/nursing center, but before the sh*t really hit the fan. Had I not made several "habit changes", I could have easily gained 10 or more pounds over the course of his illness. I'm glad that I broke even, and don't have to deal with a lot of extra poundage on top of every thing else that is going on.
So, life returns to somewhat of a normal routine this week. I'm cooking and planning again. We will get through this, but right now, it still hurts like crazy.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Boredom and other non-issues
Hubby is in Austin this week. I am BORED! I've been able to snag a couple subbing jobs, so I've had something to do a couple days this week. It's weird how much you depend on someone, and when they aren't here, it's really, really weird. Oh yeah, we "celebrated" our 29th wedding anniversary on Monday, with him in Austin, and me here. Yeah, that was special.
We were going to go to the Renegades playoff game, but it got postponed due to this nasty cold front that went through here on Saturday. There were even a couple of tornadoes in NYC, so I guess, you would say that postponing the game really was the best thing to do. Hubby left on Sunday afternoon, so I went to the game with a girlfriend. Definitely not the same as a "date night"! The Gades won 8-1. Then, they won the second game, which we would have gone to, but Hubby was in Austin. They progressed to the championship round, and lost last night at Tri-City. They are playing tonight at home, and I'm not there! :( I doubt if they will be as good next summer, but I can hope.
Dad is still hanging on. He's been at hospice for about 2 1/2 weeks. He hasn't really eaten anything since last Wednesday, and is getting weaker. I'm still having trouble thinking about much of anything else, but if I'm working, I don't have to think about it for a few hours. Mom is still in limbo, my sister is still there, my brother went back, but has to fly home on Sunday. His wife is going down for next weekend. I hope that it ends soon, it's exhausting for all of us.
Weight loss, I'm still below 200, but was up a little last Friday. It could have something to do with the two bottles of water I drank at school that day, but it's still bothersome. I think I'm back on track this week, and I will try to post again after weigh in.
Otherwise, I'm still not used used to getting up at 5 AM, so I'm a tad tired. I will try to post more often, but we'll see if that happens.
♥B
We were going to go to the Renegades playoff game, but it got postponed due to this nasty cold front that went through here on Saturday. There were even a couple of tornadoes in NYC, so I guess, you would say that postponing the game really was the best thing to do. Hubby left on Sunday afternoon, so I went to the game with a girlfriend. Definitely not the same as a "date night"! The Gades won 8-1. Then, they won the second game, which we would have gone to, but Hubby was in Austin. They progressed to the championship round, and lost last night at Tri-City. They are playing tonight at home, and I'm not there! :( I doubt if they will be as good next summer, but I can hope.
Dad is still hanging on. He's been at hospice for about 2 1/2 weeks. He hasn't really eaten anything since last Wednesday, and is getting weaker. I'm still having trouble thinking about much of anything else, but if I'm working, I don't have to think about it for a few hours. Mom is still in limbo, my sister is still there, my brother went back, but has to fly home on Sunday. His wife is going down for next weekend. I hope that it ends soon, it's exhausting for all of us.
Weight loss, I'm still below 200, but was up a little last Friday. It could have something to do with the two bottles of water I drank at school that day, but it's still bothersome. I think I'm back on track this week, and I will try to post again after weigh in.
Otherwise, I'm still not used used to getting up at 5 AM, so I'm a tad tired. I will try to post more often, but we'll see if that happens.
♥B
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
It's now September, looks like I lost August
Well, the proverbial shit hit the fan on Friday, August 17th. Dad's kidneys started to fail, and will all the antibiotics and liquid being pumped into him, that isn't a good thing. I ended up flying down on August 20th, and just came home on August 30th. After the kidneys really started to crash, I got a phone call that basically said Dad had about 3-4 days left. That's why I ended up going down and staying for a while. He was put on temporary dialysis, which seemed to start his kidneys functioning again, until, the perforated colon developed an abscess. Which shot his white blood cell count back up, and knocked his kidneys for a loop. He had one more dialysis session, and said he didn't want anymore, because it was looking like he would have to have permanent dialysis, which neither he nor my mom wanted. On Saturday, August 25th, he was moved to hospice. And the prognosis is any time to a few months. So, before I forget, I'm going to list the infections and everything else that is going on:
MRSA
Cdif
blood staph infection
UTI
perforated bowl/which has abscessed/rectal bleeding
kidneys are failing
congestive heart failure
diabetes
I think that's it. He is receiving no meds, except for pain medication at hospice. He's sleeping all the time and has started to get agitated. I love my dad, but I'm praying for this to end sooner rather than later. Mom is exhausted. I know I was wiped out being there almost 2 weeks. She's been doing this for 5 months! My brother and his wife have been there almost 2 weeks, they are returning home tomorrow. My sister bought a one way ticket to come in, so she isn't set on a particular flight home, but she has a son going to college in a few weeks and a daughter still in high school. We all need to get on with our lives.
And while I was there, I managed to lose 3+ pounds, so old habits really are changing.
MRSA
Cdif
blood staph infection
UTI
perforated bowl/which has abscessed/rectal bleeding
kidneys are failing
congestive heart failure
diabetes
I think that's it. He is receiving no meds, except for pain medication at hospice. He's sleeping all the time and has started to get agitated. I love my dad, but I'm praying for this to end sooner rather than later. Mom is exhausted. I know I was wiped out being there almost 2 weeks. She's been doing this for 5 months! My brother and his wife have been there almost 2 weeks, they are returning home tomorrow. My sister bought a one way ticket to come in, so she isn't set on a particular flight home, but she has a son going to college in a few weeks and a daughter still in high school. We all need to get on with our lives.
And while I was there, I managed to lose 3+ pounds, so old habits really are changing.
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